A Good Poker Game

17th c. card game [Wikipedia]

When I was a kid, my cousins and I used to like playing poker - for pennies, but still, it was really fun. And when I told my family about that a few years ago, we were inspired to set up a little poker game for pennies, too. We even watched some of the high-stakes poker games  on television - I hadn't even known you could watch them - but I found it all a bit hard to follow.

I have never gambled for real, and don't think I ever will, but I really like the free games on the internet where you win and bet all sorts of credits and pretend money. It's a way of gambling online without having to travel to Las Vegas or, you know, actually spend money.

Wikimedia Commons

But if you ever do want to try an online casino, its probably a good idea to educate yourself thoroughly about the various Do's and Don'ts and to check out a good review site that gives you an overview of your choices. Then you'll know just where you can have a good game of slots, video poker, craps, roulette and blackjack. Whether you're playing in the US, the UK or in Europe, you'll be able to find the reviews you need to lead you to just the right place to play.

Gaming review sites aren't just a resource for finding reputable online casinos. You can also learn the history of some of the games. Modern poker, for example, has its origins in card games as early as the 15th century. It really became popular in Victorian America, though, on the Mississippi riverboats.

On review sites you can also pick up a few poker tips that will make your penny bets even more fun that they already are. I intend to win a few pennies this winter with my new-found skills, that's for sure.

Beware of Stale Coffee!

1933 ad, courtesy of TJS-Labs

Chase and Sanborn (both of whom have been drinking double espressos since 1933 and are ready to mess with your head) have a very very important message for all of you caffeinated folks Out There. This is especially important to know about on International Coffee Day.*

And the message is: stale coffee is very bad for you and will turn you into a peevish old woman.

Just like Ruth, the heroine of this advertisement. Why does she dislike bridge and staying up late and visiting the Smiths? Is it because she finds bridge boring (I'll cosign that one, Ruth)? Is it because she was up folding laundry until midnight the night before (been there, done that too, sister)?

And don't get me started on the Smiths and how they make everyone play charades until 2am and say bossy things about how you put the coffee spoon on the wrong side of your saucer.

But apparently Ruth just needs to drink some nice fresh coffee that Mr. Chase and Mr. Sanborn ground and put in a little jar just this morning, and then everything will be fine. She'll be playing bridge at midnight, and dancing at 3am. And at the break of dawn she'll be acting out the phrase "wet blanket" at the Smiths, who actually went to bed, too tired even to whine about spoon placement, at 4.

* I saw this on Twitter, can you believe it, I actually drop into Twitter fairly regularly now (maybe it was stale coffee that was making me avoid it before, either that or sheer laziness). Twitter had a hashtag thingie for "National Coffee Day" and I did wonder whether everyone outside the US got to celebrate too, but Wikipedia says it can be called either International or National Coffee Day. So wherever you are, have a latte or something and celebrate. But make sure it's fresh!

Better Living Through Kem-Glo

Life, October 6, 1953 [big version here]

I haven't forgotten about the rock and roll coffee post - let's just say it's in the works. No - percolating. And I have some other things lined up for you, too. So let's move on and take a look at this enamel paint ad from 1953. The paint has the unfortunate name Kem-Glo. Yes, you too can have a kitchen full of glowing chemicals. On second thought, maybe you should just save this stuff for when you redecorate Frankenstein's laboratory.

-Well, Marge, it's just beautiful. Really!

-I wasn't sure about the pink tabletops and curtains, you know. I was worried that it might remind people of Pepto-Bismol, which really wouldn't sit well on Mystery Casserole Night - that's Thursday, you remember. You and Joe came over once for that.

-Oh yes, I do remember. That was the night you served Krunchy Goo. I don't think I'll ever forget it.

-I'm glad you wore the skirt you have that matches my new ceiling. And the lawn.

-Well dear, you insisted. You told me to go back across the street and change.

-I just want everything to be just so, sweetie. See how my yellow blouse matches the dish towel? I always like to match my dish towels. Always did, always will. Yes, everything would just be perfect, with this lovely new Kem-Glo - if only...

-If only -?

-If only I could just get my hand unstuck from this cabinet.

My Revolutionary Hair

I have sometimes thought that it would be nice to have a wig to wear on a day like this. Because I have revolutionary hair. Let me explain: I actually like my hair but it is the most mercurial hair ever. When the weather is dry and clear, it does just what it's supposed to. But today it was very humid out. And there's no straightening spray, hairspray or unguent known to the hair care aisle in the drugstore or specialty store that can reason with what grows out of my head, on a damp day. So I bundle it up with combs and hair elastics and a lovely baseball cap and boy, does that ever not look stunning!

And that brings me to my little musing about wigs.  There are all kinds of great looking wigs in any color or style you might like to try. There are all kinds of styles and types of wigs to choose from: would you like to try out being a redhead with short hair, or a long-locked blonde? You can with a wig, and then you can go right back to your old self. You can even get costume wigs for Halloween - want to look like Lady Gaga or Elvis? Make sure you check out these wigs first and then worry about the meat dress, or the drainpipe trousers.

You can see some popular styles here - the Samantha is my favorite, which is a shoulder-length and a lovely shiny coffee brown with sideswept bangs. See, she is right there on the left. She looks happy, because she knows that when she gets home her hair is going to still look really good. It will not look like a raccoon slept on it. And it will not be sticking out of a baseball cap at right angles. And not only that, but she also knows that when she dresses up as Marilyn Monroe for Halloween, she has just the right wig at home.

A Cup of Spiced Orange Tea

When the weather turns autumnal and cool, I look forward to getting out the winter cookbooks. My everyday cooking is the stuff I can make without consulting a book, but I love reading about all the things I would make if I had the time and space. I adore herbs and spices, so what I'd love to have someday is a whole series of kitchen spice racks where I could line up all sorts of top-quality, organic cinnamon and cloves (powdered and whole), and star anise and loads of saffron for my basmati rice. I'd probably grind my own spices, too, and put them in jars custom-made for my spice racks.

A teacup of an island in the Adirondacks

And I will have a view of water while I am doing all of this - a bay, a lake, the ocean - I don't mind. I just want to look out and see a bit of beach and water. But since it is best to be happy with what you've already got, I do have a nice spice rack and enough cinnamon and cloves for this delicious fall treat. It is adapted from The Spice Cook Book (1964) by Avanelle Day and Lillie Stuckey:

Hot Spiced Orange Tea

Combine 1 quart boiling water, 1/4 cup sugar, 10 whole cloves and 2 cinnamon sticks in a saucepan. Mix well and bring to a boil again. Take it off the heat and add 4 tea bags of your choice (black tea is implied, but I guess you could try green or white tea if you like - or even instant coffee, come to think of it). Steep for 4 minutes. Strain it and stir in 1/4 cup fresh orange juice, 2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice, the rind of a medium orange and a slice of fresh lemon. Place over low heat to keep it warm but don't boil it again. When you're ready to serve it, take the orange rind out. Serve it in cups (I think you could use mugs if that's what you prefer) and add a cinnamon stick in each as a stirrer. You could use honey sticks as stirrers, too.

Whether you have a wall spice rack or something on the counter - as long as you can find the cinnamon and cloves, this one's easy to make. And a few falling red leaves outside the window makes a perfect accompaniment.

Good Morning Good Morning

Nothing to do to save his life call his wife in,
Nothing to say but what a day, how's your boy been?
Nothing to do it's up to you
I've got nothing to say but it's OK
Good morning, good morning, good morning...
   ---"Good Morning Good Morning" (The Beatles, 1967)

They call them the "Happy Harrisons."

Yes, everyone in the neighborhood calls them that. They may call them a few others things, too. Because they must all know why the Harrisons are so darn happy. It isn't as if these people are reticent about sharing their key to a fulfilling life. And that key, as you can see in the dismaying photos on the right (even larger here, if you must) is - Bran Flakes. Lots and lots of Bran Flakes.

Apparently the elder Harrisons discovered bran on a cruise. You should have seen them before the cruise - they are actually in their sixties and look like dried apples. But now they look about the same age as their son now.

And then there's young George Harrison (who would later join the Beatles) whose "standard call" is "How soon's breakfast?" Well George, how long do you think it takes to pour out a bowl of cereal? Must you shout this every day? George seems so much cheerier than he was when he was a Beatle. You know why, don't you?

The last photo is captioned with the exciting information that the Harrisons have been happy in this way for "several months." Mr. Harrison would like the world to know that Bran Flakes give them "two EXTRA BENEFITS!" I guess the first BENEFIT! is  the taste and the second is...you know.

But wait! There is also a third benefit (I just can't keep on with the capitals). Just like the insanely happy bran-dad in this post, they all get to listen to their cereal bowls singing. But you know, with the singing bowls and George shouting in the shower, they are going to start feeling a little annoyed, one of these days. All that crabbiness they've been storing up for months is going to...erupt. And then all the neighbors are going to be really sorry that their secret was wishing that the Happy Harrisons would stop being so Happy all the time.

Note: Yes, I know! First grapefruit with Yoko Ono, and now bran flakes and the Beatles! I guess we ought to do coffee with the Rolling Stones or someone like that next. I'll get on that as soon as I've had - um, more coffee.

Imaginary Grapefruit Mold

Millie Motts

A puzzling question for today: just how many ways are there to serve canned grapefruit? You can serve it in many different containers: right out of the can (for those casual meals), in a dish, in a jelly glass, on a plate (mind the juice though). But if we really mean how many different recipes we can base on a can of grapefruit, the answer is less clear.

But these happy citrus-bedazzled folks on the right, whose hair all share a similar waviness (must be the grapefruit juice they rinse with), must have their grapefruit in every way.

So I held my Sherlock Holmesian monocle to one beady eye and went hunting for answers on the Interwebs. And that is not easy to do while holding a monocle to your eye, I can tell you. My first thought was to look to Yoko Ono's little book of instructional poems which I've read and I actually really like them. Only I don't have a copy floating around here because I took it out of the library back in my Boston days (anything to avoid working on that thesis, I tell you!).

So here's what I learned. You can put canned grapefruit in a fruit salad. Only I knew this already because we used to have fruit cup with canned grapefruit for holiday meals when I was a kid. You could not start Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner without this fruit cup.

The only other thing I can find to put canned grapefruit in is - gelatin salad! Well, here at the Kitchen Retro Not-Testing-That, Ersatz Test Kitchen we all love a good (or not so good) retro gelatin salad. So here is Miami Pecan Salad from my beloved Favorite Recipes of Jay-Cee Wives: Salads (circa 1968):

Miami Pecan Salad


1 envelope unflavored gelatin
1/2 cup cold canned grapefruit juice
1 1/4 cup hot canned grapefruit juice
1/4 cup sugar
1/4 Tb [sic] salt
1/2 cup diced celery
1/2 cup chopped pecans
2 cups diced grapefruit sections

Soften gelatin in grapefruit juice. Add hot juice that is combined with sugar and salt; stir until dissolved. Chill mixture until consistency of unbeaten egg whites; add celery, pecans, grapefruit sections and stir. Pour into molds for individual serving and chill. Serve on salad greens with French dressing.

You see, this is too complicated for me. All the hot juice and cold juice and chopping pecans and things. And I suspect that it is too complex for the wavy-headed folks in the ad. So let's cut to the chase and rewrite this as an instructional poem: 

Salad Mold to Be Constructed in Your Head

Open a can of grapefruit sections. Imagine it surrounded by gelatin clouds. The stars are chopped pecans. The celery is terrible. Leave it out. Think about individual molds shaped like the planets. Eat Saturn with an imaginary spoon.

Much, much better.

The Bird Cage Kitchen

I once had a kitchen about this size, maybe a little bigger but essentially the same shape. And I must tell you that it never occurred to me to think of it as a birdcage.

And even if it had - I wouldn't make it more like a birdcage by painting cage lines on the walls and decorating the cabinets with pictures of birdcages. And an actual bird in a cage instead of an overhead light. You know, just in case I forgot where I was.  In a not-so-gilded cage, that's where, whipping up birdseed casseroles and Jell-O molds shaped like parakeets.

And when that birdseed casserole comes out of the oven, you can eat it right in your cage, oh yes! Because the lady who is the heroine of this ad (for linoleum floors, by the way) says that she found a way to make this a cheery little eat-in kitchen cage.

Behold the image on your right: a little pull-down table (or half a table really) - so you can pull a chair up to the sink and dig in. Make sure the sink isn't full of dirty dishes though.

And look, there's even a pull out table for your kid. Right next to the oven. And near a counter where a breadboard with a knife lying on it is just almost hanging off the edge of the sassy red counter top. Yeah, that looks safe. And fun. Don't forget fun! In fact, why not just build a pull-down sofa in there too and just live in the birdcage? Home tweet home.

This is from the delightful LiveJournal Vintage Ads.

The Scrubbing Drudge Report

Popular Mechanics, Feb. 1911

What woman hasn't been eagerly waiting for the Scrubbing Machine?...[It] banishes forever woman's worst torture. Could anything be more appreciated, popular, irresistible?

No indeed. Why, it sounds like the perfect party guest. It will make friends with everyone, even the bores in the corner, and then it'll clean up all the spilled champagne and the piece of strawberry pie that Uncle Albert trod into the carpet.

So get up off the floor, ladies, and toss away your scrubbing rags. Because it's 1911 and the Home Comfort Scrubbing Machine is here. It looks like all you have to do is stand behind it and it will do all the work. And from looking at the Before and After pictures, it looks like it will also give you a complete makeover including liposuction, hair styling, makeup, a face lift and a spanking new wardrobe of shirtwaists, string ties and fancy skirts. No wonder they say it "works like magic."

Now once you've got the Machine, you can get a child to stand behind it (because even a child can clean with this gadget) while you go out and sell Home Comfort machines to other women. Or maybe you'd rather stay home and clean, because boy howdy, cleaning can be fun:

Self feeding, self cleaning, self sudsing. Turns scrubbing drudgery into neat, easy, quick, pleasant task.

And one excitable lady writes "it takes every woman by storm." Um, OK. If you say so. Every woman except the one in the ad. She looks a little bit jaded. Although maybe that's because she just saw Uncle Albert spill a pot of coffee on the linen tablecloth.

I Love Lucy's Pajamas

Oh dear. This is not an "elegant" look, no matter what this 50s era ad (I found it at Wikimedia Commons, here*) has to say. I mean I guess they'd have to say that. No, wait. Love doesn't mean never having to say you're sorry (and that goes double if you ordered these things). What love really means is never having to say you look elegant in orange pants. Yeah, that about covers it.

No, do not tell us that there is a "new Sport Shirt look" in the world of pajamas. That is bad enough. But what is worse: that you are supposed to wear them as a couple. If one of you goes down this road to sartorial ruin, well, you are obliged to go down it together. The ad copy specifies that "you'll enjoy your leisure together more" if you and your Significant Other are wearing checked shirts and orange pants. Why, you can stroll around the house together, hands in pockets (no, not each others pockets - this is the 1950s, you know) and - grin.

Even Lucy and Desi know that these are not good pajamas. Look at them! Look at those forced smiles. And Lucy is standing on Desi's toes there, see? Because he is probably about to start complaining about these terrible things, in very rapid and emphatic Spanish. It's like a moment from an I Love Lucy episode that never was. I can't wait to see Fred and Ethel in those things. Fred's pants will be belted up around his armpits. And he'll say something terrible about how Ethel looks like a harvest moon or a giant orange or something. And then they'll all get stuck locked outside the apartment house, or end up at the Tropicana on the night Ricky is opening his new Fashions of 1953 revue.

I really wish they'd made that episode, don't you?

*And also in a Life magazine from 1953, for what it's worth ($6.95, apparently).

An Economical Recipe

[A post that roams all over the place...even I didn't know where we were going to end up!]

Have you ever looked at some of the glossier house and home magazines and wondered how anyone was supposed to afford all that fancy stuff? Check out this Martha Stewart appetizer, for example. Easy to make, yes. But all those ingredients are going to cost you plenty. And I don't really have time to chase down pink peppercorns and marinated feta cheese, either.

Anyway, back in 1887 people were thinking the same thing. Two women wrote in to the Ladies' Home Journal and Practical Housekeeper about this very issue. Mrs. H.R. wrote that she had subscribed for 2 years but "I have never seen anything written for poor people. All house decorations, cooking receipts and other suggestions seem to be written for women with more money than I have." Oh, Mrs. H.R., I know just what you mean when I flip through those glossies at the drugstore!

And An Old and Pleased Subscriber asks for cake recipes "that would not require eight, eleven and six eggs." Fair enough, right? I wouldn't want to make a cake with six, eight or eleven (eleven!) eggs in it, either.

So Eliza G. Parker, the editor responsible for the section of the paper with the title "The Practical Housekeeper" (that's ironic!) thought she'd better pony up a few practical dishes for the complainers. Mrs. H.R. got a bunch of recipes for horrid things like Brain Croquettes and Tongue on Toast. That'll teach her to whine about how the Journal was slanted towards the idle rich. But the Pleased Subscriber was rewarded with a recipe for Creole Cake. And since I'll take any cake over a brain croquette, thank you very much, I am going to pass on the instructions on how to make it: 

Creole Cake

Beat the yolks of two eggs with a cup and a half of sugar and two ounces of butter together until very light, add a cup of cold water, a cup and a half of flour, beat until smooth, add the stiffly beaten whites of two eggs, and a cup and a half more of sifted flour with a teaspoonful of baking powder (if strong [i.e.. has a high gluten content], I use Dr. Price's Cream Baking Powder) and a little grated nutmeg. Mix well and bake in a moderate oven until done.

 Louisiana King Cake

Most Creole Cake recipes I've seen have lots of interesting things in them - everything from Armagnac and prunes to chocolate and coffee, or a very rich fruit cake. The most famous Creole Cake is King Cake, which is made for the feast of Epiphany and is also served at Mardi Gras. It usually contains a small trinket (a bean or a little baby doll) and the person who gets the trinket in their slice is the King or Queen for the day, but it also means they have to buy next year's cake. It would be ideal if the trinket was money, really. Or else they could just make the economical recipe from 1887 and call it a day.

A Jolly Kind of Soap

Duke University Digital Collections

Awhile back* we took a look at how much exciting fun you could have playing Rodin with a pen knife and a cake of soap. Well, if you've been practicing, you can try out something really fancy - this Ivory Soap Roman Lamp from 1926 (click on the link in the caption for the big version, with all the instructions - if you must). Yes, dear little children, you will have hours of fun trying to make this scallop-shell-glued-to-a-hand-mirror shape out of a cake of Ivory. And while you do, your mother can use the leftover shavings "to launder pretty clothes or to wash dishes." So that makes two of you who will be having a lot of fun.

And remember, boys and girls, you can send away to the nice Ivory Soap people for "a good, interesting 'Play'" for your class, if you are under the age of 10 (although please note the disturbing quotation marks around the word Play). You will get a poster, some Ivory soap and "a jolly kind of game." Hmm.

Those of you above the age of 10 who haven't turned the page or fallen asleep or fallen out of your chairs laughing can please ask your teacher to send away for "Dr. Bonser's educational poster." I can't imagine what sort of thrilling things you will learn from that.

*Back in the Wordpress, haven't-imported-the-old-posts-because-I-am-lazy, hardly-remembered-it-was-still-there, days.