We the Poster People

Well, hello there, Poster People.

And hello also to the Edie-Sedgwick-meets-Sally-Struthers creature (and what a meeting that would be, would it not?) who is sitting demurely in front of her Poster.

Now YOU can be BLOWN UP, cry the Poster People. You too can get a makeover from a raccoon who also makes strange black hair bows as a sideline, and put on a dress made out of two old dresses you were about to give away anyhow. Now perch on a random barstool and hold a snapshot. Try not to look too excited!

Yes, we will blow you up...or anyone you want...into as GIANT black and white POSTER 1 1/2 ft by 2 ft. 

Poster People, you may want to rethink the tagline you are so fond of. People do NOT want to be blown up. Not me, not anyone I know. It is the 1970s (in this ad, anyway, it is) and, you know - give peace a chance, etc. etc. 

Great to give! Great to get! Great for decorating walls! Yeah, what an amazing idea. Putting a poster on the wall. Although really, if someone gave me this poster, I'd probably use it for something else. Maybe wrapping up some leftovers for the raccoon.

Another dose of kitsch (twice in one week!) - brought to you thanks to the fabulous  LiveJournal Vintage Ads.

A Red Velour Bottle

Well, I like cherry liqueurs, too, although I don't go around hugging them or anything. But what I am wild about is the "red velour bottle." That puts the kitsch right back into this blog, doesn't it?

This bottle would have looked perfect in my cousin's rec room, circa 1970 (same year as this ad, by the way). Fake wood paneling, red lights, and my younger cousin's high school band hat - a high busby sort of creature with feathers - in a corner, back lit, in a Perspex box. Just the sort of box Yoko Ono used to put things in, like clocks with no hands, and apples. I think. But not band hats.

Mary Ann Is Staying Put

Duke University Libraries

Mary Ann was a picture fan
But she worked hard all day
Washing dishes, still she had wishes
To star in a photo play

One day Mary fell asleep it seems
Mary had some very pretty dreams
She dreamed a fairy came to her that day
And she thought she heard it say

Come out of the kitchen Mary darlin'
Come out of the kitchen Mary Ann
Why waste your time cooking Irish stew
When Mary Pickford and Theda Bara will step aside for you

How would you like to be starred with Charlie Chaplin
Your picture painted on each garbage can?

I am not kidding. Those are just some of the lyrics of this novelty song, circa 1920. Mary Ann  probably replies: 

Douglas Fairbanks looks like a bunch of old hair hanks
And his little dog is rather creepy too
I don't know if it's worse to hang around with them
Or keep on cooking some old lousy stew.

I guess that Theda Bara with a faceful of mascara
Will have to keep on acting with élan,
For nothing's less enticing, not even cake without icing
Than seeing my picture on some garbage can.

Thank you Duke University for this little bit of kitchen-themed retro fun! I'm writing this in a hurry so...I'll be back soon with more this weekend :)

Walgreens' Excellent Generics

This is a Sponsored post written by me on behalf of Walgreens for SocialSpark. All opinions are 100% mine.

Every summer we travel down from Canada to New York State to visit family - and every summer, unfailingly, I forget something or run out of something. It is sort of a family tradition. And recently, what I forgot was band aids. These are crucial items in my bag because you never know when someone (me, mostly) is going to scrape their knee or elbow. 

Anyway, we happened upon a Walgreen's out on Long Island and I went right for the generics (I love generics!) - Walgreen's Strong Strips Flexible Fabric to be exact. And they were really, really good - just as good as the expensive brands. I was pleased, my wallet was pleased - and my scraped knee was equally pleased after it happened to meet up with the asphalt in a rest stop parking lot. 

Walgreens Brand Health and Wellness Products are a great value, because most contain the same active ingredients as other national brands. Just as good, but way less expensive. This is a very, very good thing. They are also recommended by Walgreens pharmacists and have a 100% satisfaction guarantee. The band aids were really good and did not come off easily, like many soft flexible band aids do. It's also nice to know that your purchase will support the Walgreens Way to Well Fund™ which brings health tests and health and wellness services to local communities.

If you would like to know more you can visit Walgreens Brand Health & Wellness Products and see what they've got to keep you healthy (and well-bandaged, if necessary) on the road and at home. You can also check out some bloggers who are having giveaways of Walgreens Gift Cards.

Oh, Bee Hat!

What's your favorite hat? I like a navy wool beret in the winter, because it is the only hat that looks halfway decent on me. And in the summer, I rejoice in a Mountain Equipment Co-op sun hat - slate colored, with a large brim, so that I feel like I am wearing a small umbrella. I think it looks rather comical, but it keeps the sun from turning my face into a burnt prune. That's good.

But if you want to party like it's 1949, you might want to make your favorite hat a Bee Hat, made from St. Louis' finest felt.

George Montgomery, who is looking a little uncertain about his Bee Hat, was an actor and stuntman who was married to Dinah Shore and also made furniture and had his own cabinet-making business. I suspect that he does not really like the huge fedora that is perched on his head like - like a fruit bowl on top of a cabinet.

But Kurt Kreuger clearly loves the snappy felt not-quite-a-cowboy-hat that he is sporting. According to Wikipedia, he was once the "third most requested actor at 20th Century Fox." Which is a little weird and sad, really. Who were the first and second most requested actors? I wonder if this was the Third Most Requested Hat at 20th Century Fox?

Just What You've Always Wanted

So that's what I've always wanted! I never knew. I thought I wanted a beautiful rustic house with mod cons, on an island. Maybe a bit of private beach, too. Oh, and an iPad would be nice. To tell you the truth, belted shiny coats really haven't even made my Top Ten.

Also: as soon as I saw the word "Cresco" I thought of Crisco, that white lardy stuff that comes in bricks, wrapped in white paper and housed in a totally flimsy cardboard box. You cut a piece of Crisco to use when someone begs for a pie at holiday time and flatters you with that classic line, "oh, but your piecrust is SO great!" And it IS the holidays, and don't we have some Crisco at the back of the fridge anyway? Why yes, we do, as luck would have it. So you fling some flour into a mixing bowl and gently hurl a piece of Crisco in after it, cursing softly.

And then you try to rewrap the decimated Crisco brick in the white paper, but it is a mess, and good luck sticking the whole thing back in its box. And it's all over your hands and eww, you really really HATE making piecrust even though, yes, you must admit, your piecrust is pretty awesome. But not worth wrestling with Crisco, really.

Anyway...I think someone else got tired of trying to make it into pies because they seem to have used it to polish the Aviation Tan (with Mountain Brown accents), Tailored Leather Coat that you see before you on the left.

The Cresco Guy does look really happy, though. Maybe he can come over (via a handy time machine of course) and make some piecrust instead of me doing it. That's not quite what I've always wanted - but we're getting closer!

The Reactionary Lifter

Even back in 1890, people were beginning to think about the correlation between health and exercise - as you can see in the advertisement on the left, which shows an elegantly dressed lady standing on what looks like a very primitive sort of treadmill. Perhaps she ought to know that you can't just stand there, you need to do something.

The Reactionary Lifter was invented in 1871 and, according to another ad in the collection of the New York Bar Association (link here), gentlemen and ladies were guaranteed to double their strength in three months "without necessitating a change of clothes." Just come in from that grand party, take off your wraps, and clamber aboard!

Now, once you come away from the Lifter, you need to have something a trifle more dependable to help preserve your health. Brisk walks, balanced meals, and -  perhaps a little insurance. There was insurance - life and fire insurance mainly, back in the Victorian era. Health insurance was first available as "accident insurance" in the 1850s, but the modern version dates from the early 1900s. Medicare news, or rather its equivalent, was not as easy to find back then as it is now. But now you have a lot of choices about how much insurance you would like to have. Medicare supplements are a good way of making sure that you have all the coverage that you need. Final Expense Insurance is also a good idea when you're planning far into the future.

Then once you've got that covered, you can dress up in your finest mutton-sleeved gown and go stand on the Reactionary Lifter again. Look how serene the ad lady looks! Just as if she had set up a great deal of insurance for herself, wouldn't you say? I am quite sure that you will feel - as the ad says - your "health restored" and your circulation positively invigorated. And you won't even need to change into your sweatpants.

The Elegant Squirrel

This is how to convince women to buy a wallet! Compare them to squirrels hoarding peanuts. I don't know how the squirrel is going to fit all that other stuff back in the Buxton purse, though.

Yes, this is a brilliant advertising campaign from 1959 and I'm sure that if I'd been in the market for a purse back then I'd have rushed out and bought a Buxton right away because, ha ha, I don't have a spare hollow tree trunk to put my compact and mad money in.

I am kidding, of course.

Or perhaps this is a gift suggestion for the squirrels that live in your backyard. Nice to remember them around the holidays. Maybe we can give the raccoon who lives under the shed a little Fridigdaire or a set of cufflinks.

Beach Nuts

Duke University

What you can't be without at the beach....

1. A swimsuit that says "what you can't be without at the beach," thus turning you into some kind of meta-non-fiction.*

2. Liquid Sunshine by Helena Rubenstein. Which is not hair bleach or hooch. It is sun tan lotion that "coaxes tan" (who knew that it was so fussy?) and has a "tangy scent" that "men love" but makes insects "shoo." Tangy like what, salad dressing? If so, no thanks.

3. Sun Tint (also by Helena). This is fake tanning lotion. Why do you need it at the beach? Why do you need it as well as the Liquid Sunshine?

4. Waterproof Mascara and Lipstick. Because nothing says "fun day at the beach" like a faceful of stage makeup! The mascara, by the way, stands up to a "weepy movie" - just in case you decide to go to the matinee down at the boardwalk.

And don't forget to pose with your arms bent in an uncomfortable way while gazing at a rock. Or with your arms stretched out in the classic "yay!" position. And don't get your hair wet. Unlike the mascara, it isn't waterproof.

*Yeah, or meta something. There's a reason I dropped out of grad school, Mabel. And it's called I Never Got the Hang of Literary Criticism Lingo. (Actually, there are lots of other reasons, too, but never mind those right now).

Armed and Mangerous

Life, Oct. 9, 1939

Believe me, Glover's System has what it takes!

Believe me, we don't really want to know about your mange. We are delighted that you are so pleased about it, though. Mr. Glover's System includes Mange Medicine - in the bottle the guy is holding so happily - and Medicated Soap to put on your hair. And Systematic Massage. Which just means rubbing the soap in your hair. Don't just dab it on and leave it.

Glover also called his beautifying elixir Glover's Imperial Sarcoptic Medicine. That is a great name, is it not?* Redolent of ancient Egypt. Also redolent of - poisons! Because, according to this site, this stuff is actually pretty toxic.

Worthpoint

They still make Glover's Mange Medicine, though.  I assume that this is not so toxic. Look right over here and you can see. It is for pets, though. Because mange is a skin irritation caused by mites, most commonly seen in - well, animals. Not 1930s guys who look like Zeppo Marx. But Zeppo's problem seems to have arisen from "neglecting and abusing" his hair, not from - mites. I think. But please just keep your distance, sir, anyway. We can all see your exciting Mange Medicine bottle just fine from over here.

*Too bad "sarcoptic" refers to scabies mites and not sarcophagi.