Bill Will React

Big version here

Oh, that Bill. He's such a stone face most of the time. Nothing impresses him, he never talks, he never cracks a smile. But Bill will react to this, all right.

Because he's always brushed and curried...

You know, like a horse. Maybe he is a horse.

...because of the knot of his tie and the crease of his trousers, and the way he cocks his head when I've spent hours having a hairdo.

So basically he's obsessed with his appearance - and yours. That sounds healthy and relaxing for you both. He might want to try loosening his tie, though. It will improve the blood circulation in his brain. People tend to react less when they're about to pass out, you see.

Anyway, Bill is getting shaving stuff. Some nice 1940s shaving stuff from Seaforth. Either something called a "Commando Set" (best not to ask about that one) or something called "For Better Days."

But what this lady doesn't know is that Bill...well, not only doesn't he react, he doesn't need to shave, either.

Because he is actually a fugitive on the run from Madame Tussaud's and is entirely made of wax. He's been applying fake stubble in secret with some old crepe wool and this lady's best Maybelline eyebrow pencil.

So he won't react, lady - not exactly. But maybe pretending to shave will give him a few Better Days. Just make sure he doesn't get too near the Christmas candles.