An Italian Masterpiece

Who knew that the Green Giant was a master chef, trained in the art of classic Italian cuisine?

And who knew that creamed corn topped with tomato slices was a culinary masterpiece from Italian cuisine?

And who believed this sort of thing, even in 1961?

I do like the bowl, though. It is striped to evoke the colors of the Italian flag. That must be the secret - whatever you stick in that dish becomes - by association - an Italian Masterpiece.

Just remember - unlike the Green Giant - to hide the can.

[From Life, April 14, 1961.]

The Quink Tank

McFlit was mad as a wet hen
Beleaguered by a faulty pen
And thus began to greatly fear
Both for his sanity and career

Although, ironically enough
He should be worried about other stuff
To wit, the horrid screeching noise
He makes when mad and thus annoys

The clerks outside, the middlemen
Who never knew a lousy pen
And also McFlit's immediate boss
Is raging about hearing loss

And saying words that start with F
Concerning how he's going deaf
The clerks say cusses that end in -it
Which rhyme quite perfectly with McFlit

Then Suzie has a good idea
She is Employee of the Year
And is, alone among the clerks,
The one whose brain entirely works:

"Look, Mr. McFlit, just stop and think
If a pen is clogged, replace the ink!"
And with a flourish, she does just that
And stops his noise in seconds flat.

Now that McFlit has quieted down
The boss will lose that scary frown
He says to Suzie: "Demote that yob!
From now on, you'll have his fancy job!

"Likewise, McFlit, you noisy fool,
Take Suzie's place in the typing pool-
Fetch Suzie's coffee, and never again
Be trusted with a Parker pen."*

And so hurrah for Parker Quink
That problem-solving brand of ink:
It unclogged a pen and Suzie's career
As well as many an office ear.

(*He may run into trouble when his typewriter ribbon needs changing, though.)

[Life, September 10, 1945.]

Gettin' Less Wiggy With It

Do we have everything for our jazz gig circa 1969? Everybody is here in the Jazz Barn. At least, I think it is a barn. Or an industrial building with straw on the floor. Oh wait, maybe it is supposed to be a club in a converted factory in the East Village.

Or maybe the group got lost on the way to the gig and are stuck in an industrial park in New Jersey. Add a psychedelic bus and a couple of hilariously unhip guys in suits and crewcuts, and we've got ourselves an answer to the Partridge Family. You know, for "the guys with the talented heads," whatever that means. Yes, this could be a winner!

Only you guys - you do need to crack a smile now and then. That could be tough. So let's just make sure we have all the props we need for the ad:

Oil drums draped with cobwebs? Check.

Regulation black sweaters? Check.

Grumpy expressions, vaguely suggesting creative inspiration edged with digestive issues? Oh, absolutely.

How about the berets? We must have berets, you know. This is to show that you kids come from Greenwich Village. Or possibly the Left Bank. Oui, we have berets!

Now everybody stand behind the Gibson amplifiers and look extra moody. Make sure you don't give the impression that the amps are what's making you moody, though.

Oh, and you over there on the right - yeah, you, Mustache Guy slumped in the corner - what are you doing here, exactly? Do you actually know these people?

[I found this 1969 gem at Vintage Ad Browser - but a better image is here at Vintage Guitars, so I used a scan from there.]

The Tragically Hypnotic

Bernice was surely in his power now. Omar the Omnipotent was the greatest hypnotist this side of Hoboken (and he was pretty good on the other side, too). None of Bernice's flapper friends wanted to go up on stage at the Bee's Knees Supper Club and be a volunteer. But Bernice was always ready for fun.

Too bad that this wasn't precisely the sort of fun she was always ready for. She was frozen in place all right. And her expression, noted her best friend Lucille, was identical to the look she had given that jellied olive-and-sardine salad that they had had at the bridge club luncheon last week.

But of course Omar was far, far more powerful than an olive-and-sardine salad. Everyone was amazed! Even though she wasn't actually looking at the rays of hypnotic power emanating from the left side of his face, Bernice was stunned all the same.

That is because Bernice didn't realize that they were just some wavy lines that Omar the Omnipotent had drawn in with a white pen.


And his name wasn't even Omar, it was Hubert. You see, Hubert sent away for a mail-order course so that he could "make his life what he wanted it to be" and tried it FREE for 5 days.

The course consisted of a small booklet and a white pen.

[From Popular Mechanics, June 1929; the extra big version is here. This mail order course is from CHICAGO! For those of you who don't know why this is so significant, please click that Retro Chicago tag at the bottom of this post and prepare to be amazed!]

A Couple of Lead Balloons

I thought it was just an ordinary headache at first. At first, I thought maybe it was Carl's insistance on us wearing red at all times. I know his red suit made my eyes hurt. But aspirin didn't make the pains go away.

And then I saw them up there, hovering near the ceiling: some familiar, huge, black and white disembodied heads. And I knew those two: it was dear old Mom and Dad, that's who. Parents: you just can't get away from them, right? It must be the strings tied onto the end of the balloons: invisible, sure - but there, all the same.

Mom, Dad, I shouted up at them, What are you doing here?

Dad said: Don't marry Carl, Sheila. He'll make you miserable!

And Mom chimed in: His way of life is wrong...and sinful.

Um, could you possibly be a little more specific? I said.

Mom said: Well, take a look at that red suit of his, for one thing. That is a sin against fashion, for a start.

And Dad added: And I think he dyes his hair, too. Nobody in the world was ever born with that shade of orange - not even Bozo the Clown!

Carl gave me a funny look. "Sheila darling," he said, "I knew there was something strange about you. My parents warned me about this! They said: don't marry Sheila, Carl - she talks to invisible balloons up on the ceiling and says they are her parents. What sort of girl comes from a family of black and white parade balloons?"
 
I sighed. Hadn't Mom and Dad warned me that I should marry another balloon head and not try to pass as a Regular Girl? Just be myself, in black and white, up on the ceiling. Because these magic red pants weren't going to work forever, you know. Soon I'd be a big headed balloon again, just like them. And I had a feeling Carl wasn't going to be too impressed.

[From Cover Browser - bigger version over there, too.]

The 24-Hour Burlesque Show

That title got your attention, I'll bet. It'll be explained a little bit later. But first, let's talk about something a little fancier than burlesque. Let's talk about aspiring to a fancy retro Hollywood life. You want to feel like a movie star. And the makeup and beauty product ads that claim their products will give you that silver-screen aura just aren't enough.You know what you need?

A canary. Canaries make you feel glamorous and special. They - well, they sing. They sing and sing! And you can call their part of the room a "Hollywood corner." That ad over on the left says so. In the 1940s, there was a canary fad going on -  because a canary will make you feel like the Bonita Granville of the neighborhood. Or something like that.

But if you want to feel like a real celebrity, you will need something more. You will need a critic. And that is why you should also get a parakeet.

Yes, it is true. A parakeet hanging out in a little cage giving you the side-eye and making tart remarks is going to make you feel like you're living the high life in LA.

And it won't be all movie premiers and champagne either. In Popular Science in October 1953 an article about parakeets claimed that "Any home with a parakeet is a 24-hour burlesque show." Oh, really? And do the parakeets wear little outfits with tassels or do fan dances? Never mind, we don't really want to know.

It'll be just like having a gossip blogger right in your very own home. Because they are saucy, those little birds. That 1953 article quotes a parakeet who wandered into a housewife's vacuum cleaner tank and started yelling (as who would not): "Get me out of here! Get me out of here!" So imagine what your parakeet would say about you, given its druthers*:

"Hey, what kind of horrible outfit is that?"
"Who was that cheesy guy I saw you with yesterday?"
"You have 25 Mars Bar wrappers hidden in your pocket, don't you?"
"You're in big trouble now!"
"You can't act for toffee, why don't you just pack it in! Pack it in! Pack it in!"

And if this isn't enough fun - your parakeet will also make lots of droppings. Oh, and you have to give it lots of seeds and be nice to it while it talks smack about you to anyone who comes over.

Now, the record actually trains the parakeet to say things that are not quite so complicated, like "Hello, baby." Hey - maybe you could use the parakeet instead of the Girl Getter Cards. Just carry your little friend around with you and when you see a girl you like, get it to do the talking for you. Just make sure it doesn't tell her about those Mars bar wrappers or insult her outfit.

The Parakeet Training Record is from Frank's Vinyl Museum.

*To have one's druthers was an 19th century American phrase; druthers was a shortening of the words "would rathers."

A Shocking Beauty Risk

Today we are talking about Shocking Beauty Risks, and I'll bet you never heard of this one.

It's something to worry about that I'll bet you never guessed you needed to worry about:

Brushing your teeth may cause cavities! 

Didn't see that one coming, I'll bet. You are taking a big risk every single time you brush your teeth! You are, in fact, brushing the cavities right in.

And if you do "brush cavities into softer parts of teeth" you will see a giant, angry tooth staring back at you from the mirror. And boy, is it ever not happy with you. You'd better start using Teel before it jumps out and starts biting.

From Life, September 21, 1942; big version here.

One Girl Getter Card Short of A Full Deck

Here's a sensational new way to meet women! They are guaranteed to work quick and easy - even for shy men!

Use these cards anywhere: at dances, parties, offices, while walking or traveling. These Cards are in good taste and easy to use.

What a great idea, huh? You carry around a bunch of these cards in a lovely plastic case, and when you see a girl you like, you - I guess you hand her a card, right? Or maybe you read off the card. How sophisticated you'll look, opening up the case, shuffling around to find just the right card - then reading it to her like you were challenging her in Trivial Pursuit.

You can get an idea of what must be on the Girl Getter cards from any bad-pickup-lines site, like the following Lame Pickup Lines from Lines that Are Good (please note: most of the Lame Pickup Lines on that site are not, um, in Good Taste - don't say I didn't warn you!).

Pardon me, miss, I seem to have lost my phone number, can I borrow yours?
Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see!
So, you're a girl, huh?

These lines are from a slightly less salacious site: 

Baby, you must be a broom, 'cause you swept me right off my feet.
Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
Got any raisins? No? Then how about a date?

There were 12 kinds of Girl Getter Cards and you got 2 of each. Did the girl have to hand it back? If not, did you have to keep ordering replacements?

In addition to the plastic case you would also be receiving a "Revolutionary Phone and Date Index" so you could write her number down - that would look suave, wouldn't it? And also you got a lovely book entitled "How to Make Women Want You." I believe Chapter One tells you that the best way to make women want you is to hand out small cards with pick-up lines printed on them.

The girl in the ad has just got a Girl Getter Card, with something like the above examples printed on it. She looks reasonably OK with this, but is avoiding looking directly at the card. Also, the shy guy is nowhere to be seen. I guess the book didn't tell him that after you give the girl the card, you do have to stick around.

[Many thanks to Vintage Scans for this one; it was originally from Swank, January 1962.]

The 1938 Crab Orchard Whiskey Quiz*

It's time for a little quiz! Let's examine this 1938 ad in which Dick's boss is impressed by a bottle of whiskey and, by association, with its proud owner:  

1. Why is Dick "kind of bothered"?

a. Because when he transforms into a cartoon, he ages and gets very strange looking.

b. Because he doesn't know why he invited the Boss over to his apartment, really.

c. Because when someone says you have a "nice cozy place" it often means "Boy, this joint is so small we're bumping knees! Why are we doing that, exactly?"

2. What, precisely, is a Crab Orchard?

a. A bunch of crab apple trees in Kentucky, near where bourbon is made.
b. The place in the backyard where you go when you're in a bad mood and don't want to yell at everyone else.
c. An outtake from the Yellow Submarine album - but Ringo decided to go with "Octopus' Garden" in the end.

3. What sort of impact will the Crab Orchard highball have on Dick's career?

a. The Boss will be so toasted on the train home that he'll make Dick a Vice President by the time they get to Larchmont (you might want to get it in writing, though, Dick).
b. The Boss will want to move the company offices to Dick's bachelor pad, where he can sip bourbon all day.
c. No impact, really. The Boss didn't remember a thing the next day.

[From Graphic Design TJS Labs - big version here, too!]

*That title almost - not quite, but almost - could be a late 60s band name, like the Strawberry Alarm Clock or the 1910 Fruitgum Company.

The Perfect Breather

Stop Mouth Breathing and Snoring!

Also stop him from arguing. From complaining about your lousy cooking. Or about the laundry. It really works! And that Inhaling Balm helps to keep him happy and relaxed while you enjoy an evening to just read a magazine, serve whatever you like for dinner, and maybe even talk about - why, whatever you like! Just go ahead and say what's on your mind, what's he going to do?

You can remind him that it will help his "flabby facial muscles, double chin, and protruding and unshapely lips." And you can show him the "valuable breathing exercises" that come with the Perfect Breather.

Has helped thousands.

Yessirreebob, it has. Now you can both have a breather!

From Modern Mechanix.

There's A TV Dinner In My Soup...

...And there's a soup in my TV dinner! What on earth is that doing there?

Sure, this is just what people are going to want in a TV Dinner that they are balancing on a tray while watching  - well, TV. Because you must watch TV while eating the TV Dinner! It is mandatory.

But soup is not mandatory. It is, in fact, messy. It does not belong in an easily-bent, wobbly aluminum tray. Especially if it is tomato soup. People did know that this was not haute cuisine or a multi-course Sunday dinner. The combination of frozen food items plus cheap aluminum tray was kind of a giveaway. So why bother with soup? I think that there was some little deal between Swanson's and Campbell's Soup and - I don't know. Maybe this was the Campbell's people's Big Dream: to co-star in a Made-For-TV Dinner.

The soup in this particular advertisement is as solid as those mashed potatoes. More solid, really. It looks - jelled. Real soup wobbles around and sloshes onto your lap and on the couch and all over the TV Guide. And you know that it never looked as tidy in reality - you'd take it out of the oven and there would be soup all over everything. And that's even before you got it out of the kitchen. I found the following montage of 60s and 70s TV Dinners over at YouTube and you can see that a couple of them include - the horror! - chicken noodle soup! It looks even worse than the tomato to me.



You won't be surprised to learn that this was available only for a short time circa 1968. I don't recall this at all, and I was quite the TV Dinner aficionado in the late 60s. Does anyone remember these?

Sympathy For the Deviled Ham Sandwich

Well, what have we here?

One guy in a red union suit and a silly devil-horns hat with a sandwich board. One stripey lady with a large basket of picnic items. And a vaguely terrified, faintly manic-looking fellow holding a sandwich.

Clearly, they are all hanging around in a corner of Home Depot's gardening center - because the Sandwich Board Guy is about to purchase a lovely tree, which is still in its burlap sack.

At least he's taking home a nice tree. But what has this lady found in the Do-It-Yourself Doofus aisle?

Yes, you guessed right. She found a bargain Doofus all right - and he only cost one deviled ham sandwich!

Three cans of Underwood Deviled Ham: $3.00

Assorted picnic items: $5.00

Tacky, strangely matching hair ornaments for Union Suit Guy and Misguided Woman in green stripes: $1.50

One retro Jim Carrey buttoned up to his neck in a green Lacoste shirt: Priceless.

[From LiveJournal Community Vintage Ads.]

A De Luxe Mo-Tel Room

The word motel (or mo-tel, as it was originally written) is short for Motor Hotel, as you probably know - the motel was designed around the idea of car travel and the concept of being able to park your car right outside your room. The first one, the Milestone Mo-Tel, dates from 1925; you can read about it over here at Beach California, too.

This wonderful postcard is from the Park Mo-Tel in San Antonio, Texas. I am guessing that this dates from somewhere in the 1940s. Although I did have a night table and single bed with fake gold curlicues on them, not quite so De Luxe as these, though - and that was in the 60s. So it could be the 50s or 60s. Somewhere in there, anyway.

And speaking of De Luxe - check out that Bed De Luxe, as noted in the postcard caption. It may seem like an ordinary double bed - albeit with some curlicue trim that matches the bureau, the mirror and the wastebasket (very fancy!) - but it is, in fact, De Luxe. But why it is so, no one can say.

It just....is.

Other De Luxe elements of this mo-tel room include the swirly table legs (on your left), the pedestal sink and the snappy radiator in the corner. We had radiators just like that once in Boston and I enraged the landlord (who lived downstairs) when the Radiator Guy came to check them, because I hadn't - done something, let the hot water out, or had not let it out, or something. Didn't learn a thing from the Radiator Guy, did I?* I'd be avoiding the radiator in this room, anyway. Think I'll just sit in the chair (just visible, a bit, in the right foreground) - and drink in the incredible De Luxe atmosphere.

*I may have told this hilarious anecdote before - have creeping sense of deja-blab. If so, please disregard, just like I seem to have disregarded the lecture I got on the Care and Feeding of Radiators way back when.

[The postcard image is from SA_Steve at Flickr.]

Like A Rolling Cabot

This week's musical offering is - well, not really music per se. But close.

Here is Bob Dylan's "Like A Rolling Stone" as interpreted by actor Sebastian Cabot, who was best known for playing the butler on Family Affair. He also was the narrator of Winnie the Pooh and the Blustery Day (1968) and Winnie the Pooh and the Honey Tree (1966). Which is pretty much at the other end of the creative spectrum from Dylan. But really, he should be best known for this record!

It has just occurred to me: you know who else would have done some great interpretations of Bob Dylan stuff? Eeyore. Eeyore even has the right expression! Seriously, can't you just hear Eeyore doing his slowed-down version of  "Subterranean Homesick Blues"? Or how about "Sad-Eyed Donkey of the Lowlands"? This really ought to happen!

The album cover is from Frank's Vinyl Museum. The Eeyore and Dylan pics are from Wikipedia.

Trouble For Dinner in Gotham City

Do you think Hot Dan was lurking outside the dining room window because he just knew that Millie's corned beef and cabbage dinner was heading for disaster? Maybe. Because you know it has to upset him when people don't use you know what on their food.

Either that or he saw the Hot-Signal (shaped like a jar of mustard) shining in the night sky, the way it does whenever someone in Gotham City is having condiment issues. So Hot Dan hopped into the Mustardmobile and zoomed straight over.

Imagine how long Millie must have boiled everything: Calvin doesn't even know what it is. And she thought he'd be pleased! He surely won't be pleased to learn that although he tastes corn, there isn't any corn in corned beef (the corning is a sort of pickling process, and does not involve any golden kernels of deliciousness).

Everyone is hot and bothered, all right. Millie went to so much trouble, boiling dinner for four hours! And Calvin, after a long hard day at the Ministry of Patent Leather Hair, is being a smart aleck.

They probably need to cool down (a nice Jell-O mold might be just the ticket). But - nope, here comes Hot Dan the Mustard Man with - yes, you guessed it, hot mustard. This is his answer to everyone's problems. You just lost your keys?  Kids won't stop playing handball against your garage door? Or is the Joker roaming the dark city streets, menacing kindly shopkeepers and ordinary citizens?

The answer is very simple: French's Hot Mustard. And they all lived happily ever after. Although Millie got a little tired of Hot Dan popping in through the window to check that they had a jar of French's on the table at all times.

It is, after all, "Tangy, Tasty Magic Fluff!"

Wait...what? Fluff? Oh no - I know who it is under that Hot Dan disguise: the Micro-Fluff Man! Soon Calvin and Millie will be pasting Micro-Fluff on all their belongings - that is, when they're not dousing their food in hot mustard, using the "ducky" yellow spoon that he brought them (the handle looks just like Hot Dan, and its foot hooks over the jar, which must look lovely).

[Thank you so much to TJS Labs for this amazing episode in the Adventures of Hot Dan, which first appeared in Good Housekeeping in 1936.]

More Hot Dan right this way:

Hot Dan the Mustard Man
Hot Dan Redux

And there are some hilarious Batman quotes here, apropos of nothing really - but they are fun. One of my favorites is: "It's obvious. Only a criminal would disguise himself as a licensed, bonded guard, yet callously park in front of a fire hydrant." (Hot Dan never does this, because (a) he is not a criminal of course and (b) people may need to get to the water supply in a hurry because that is HOT mustard).

Lilly Daché and the Giant Salad Hat

The new bottles and the new labels are the least of what is going on here. Smooth-pouring bottles so elegant you could put them right on the table!

Or even better, you could put them right on your head. You'd have to keep your head very still, and it might not be all that comfortable - but who cares, when you can look like this?

The Salad Hat was designed by Lilly Daché, who was a very famous French milliner and designer. She was known for her fanciful designs, though perhaps this Salad Hat is less well known than some of her other hats.

We know that the Salad Hat is a Lilly Daché creation because the bouquet of peppers (or little cucumbers) is saying that it is (you can see this in the bigger version, link below). They know all about fashion for some reason. I don't know why, but they do.

The carrot earrings don't know much, but then they still have some dirt on them. Not quite ready for the world of high fashion, are they?

You may also want to know that the Miracle French Dressing (on your left) is "the real man-type dressing" (the other two bottles have no sexual preferences). What is the Miracle? Red Dye #2, apparently.

And finally,  here comes the punchline (of sorts): When you wear this fabulous Kraft/Lilly Daché hat, you will not only be a Fashion Plate, you will also be a Salad Plate, too.

The wonderful Salad Hat ad is from clotho98 at Flickr; the really big version of the salad hat is here. And the straw Almost A Salad Hat is from Vintage Textile.

The Giant Telephones

We noticed them right away.

How could we not, they were five times the size of anything else in the house. I don't know where they came from, but one day there were three giant telephones living at our house. Really! My brother said they were from the Planet Gigantus, where everything is really, really big. And Dad laughed at first and said they'd grown up big and strong because they ate up all their canned green beans, but he was kidding. I think.

Our regular phone must have got scared, because it was gone the morning after the Giant Telephones appeared. I guess it ran away. My brother said one it got eaten, but I can't imagine how.

The big yellow one took over the kitchen. It watched Mom carefully. Sometimes we thought it wanted to try cooking something. Mom told us they were the newest fad in home decor, although they did take up - well, an awful lot of space.

The white one was my favorite. It decided to stay in the den, I guess it liked TV. It didn't cause too much trouble. It was polite and didn't stand in front of the screen - well, not too often, anyway. Only when it didn't like the show Dad had picked out. And it only rang when there was a scary movie on and it got a little upset.

But the blue one was temperamental. It was a real princess phone - the Bell of the ball  - so only the boudoir would do. It used to sidle over to the bed and stare at anyone who dared to get in it, as if they were trespassing. It rang shrilly every time it wanted to sit at the vanity table. When it did, you'd better not be in the way! And you have no idea how hard it is to put lipstick on a rotary dial. Besides, even if you do - it's still just a phone.

[Many thanks to Millie Motts.]

Spaghetti That Sings

If spaghetti could sing
Would I want it on my plate?
Would I make it a duet?
Would I say its voice was great?

Perhaps it is the soup
That's pretending to be sauce
That is making that commotion
For it senses some remorse

On the part of the spaghetti
That's subjected to regroup
In incongruous congress
With a can of Campbell's Soup.

A can of soup is not a sauce
Entirely on its own
It could be a sauce ingredient
But should not sit alone

On a platter full of pasta
Soup is merely a resource
In a sauce amalgamation
And should never try to force

Itself to act so saucy
Though all ready in a jiffy*:
No wonder it's a singer, too:
This sauce gig's looking iffy.

[From Retro Ads and Graphics.]

*A jiffy is the amount of time it takes light to travel one centimeter; this term was made up by a chemist named Gilbert Newton Lewis, I don't know why. Maybe it was his nickname.

Saraka Round the Clock

So many questions...

Why are they all talking about constipation at the 1939 World's Fair? Well, because Saraka happened to have an Exhibit in the Hall of Pharmacy, that's why (it pays off to check around in Google, all right - you learn all sorts of weird things you never dreamed you'd know when you woke up in the morning).

However: if constipation is due to lack of exercise and the kind of things you eat - um, why not exercise and eat things with fiber in them? Just a thought.

In what "unusual way" does Saraka work? All we know is that it "E-X-P-A-N-D-S 17 times" inside a person. Seventeen times! That is just plain scary. You'll never find a bowl of bran flakes doing anything weird like that! And see how happy bran flakes make a person? Check it out, then come on back and look at the expressions on these folks' faces! Not so happy with the Saraka Experiment, are they?

However, at least there are no "sharp seeds or scratchy particles" in it. Take that, Bran Flakes! And best of all? It gives you "intestinal exercise." And you won't even have to get up and walk around the World's Fair or anything.

The House of Saraka, by the way, was a noble family from Dubrovnik. I am not sure if they have any connection with this amazing "modern diet aid," though.

And here's a fun science fact: in 1940 the American Journal of Digestive Diseases published a paper about how Saraka, a "gum laxative" (which sounds, does it not, like an oxymoron), actually managed to make some people more constipated. That Bran Flake guy could have told us that, I'm sure.

There are many amazing Saraka ads over at the Gallery of Graphic Design - I see some follow-up posts in the future, possibly in verse form (because it is just that inspiring!). And there is a lovely photo of a yellow Saraka tin with some of its friends here at Flickr.

[Giant version right over here; it's from Life, February 6, 1940.]

Beyond the Floress

Now you too can order Mary Jane Fox's foxy prom-queen makeup secret, Floress: the New Fluorescent Lipstick.

The magazine ad for Floress tells us that you can "change your lips with glistening color drama" (that's all I can make out).  The comic ad uses exactly the same phrase so I guess someone liked the sound of it. In the daytime you got highlights on your lips, and at night? "A glow like burning embers." Wow, that does sound attractive. I always wanted my mouth to look like burning embers!

And speaking of burning, here's a burning question: what exactly are the qualifications for Prom Queen? Why is a boy in a red Boy Scout scarf making all the rules? And why does Mary Jane look like a 35 year old bar girl after a long shift at the Chickaboom Room?

Mary Jane and  her minions are from Tom Heroes Comic Book Ads (there are all kinds of great things here). And the non-comic-book Floress ad is from over here (not sure where they got it though).

And the silly punning title? From the classic Bette Davis movie Beyond the Forest (1949). The Floress model seems to be using the same head-tilt and sultry expression as Bette, by the way (though she really ought to lose the red bow and black-olive clip-on earrings, I think).

The Legendary Ken By Request Only

So I was looking at Bad Retro Album Covers for today's post and this one caught my beady eye. I knew that I had to learn more!

Now apparently - according to one of the message boards over at Snopes, there is some debate as to whether this mid-1970s era gem is a real record cover, or a clever fake. Several people point out that (a) the cover shows no signs of wear, and always looks the same in various scans and (b) no one seems to know anything about the actual music (perhaps that is because no one ever requested it).

He seems to have a group of fans over here, by the way; he's credited as Ken Snyder there. On YouTube it transpires that he is a real guy from Iowa and there are several clips from this album (allegedly). I haven't listened to any of them yet but there seems to be some debate there too, on whether these are really genuine songs from the album. There is a clip of him on Mount Rushmore but the audio is cut off and he just says "Now then..." It's at the YouTube link if you are sufficiently interested.

And at Communist Dance Party you can read the full story of the Legend of Ken. I guess it really is true, then! Am I the only one who had never heard of this Legend?

[Image from x-ray delta one at Flickr.]

Good Lux With That

Watching the idiot box all day sure made them hungry. No wonder Dad and the kiddies are tired and can't do a thing except stare at the TV - they are exhausted from snacking.

But did they have to leave all the dishes on the floor?

And I suppose that little bottle of Lux down in the corner is going to be helping out. It is about as big as one of those stacks of dishes. Though it may need to stand on a few telephone books to reach the sink.

And unless it can tie on a frilly apron and start swinging a sponge, I doubt it will be able to help all that much. I really do.

[Thanks to Millie Motts.]

The Pink Menace

So here we have two pink, rather menacing children looming over giant Easter eggs. The girl's eyes, in particular, are quite terrifying. She is on the hunt! I am not sure how they are planning to get those enormous eggs into that small Easter basket. The girl probably has a little axe in her pocket though. That'd work.

The little pink rabbit in the green hula skirt* is trying to sneak away unnoticed. He's a lot smarter than all those chocolate bunnies and jelly candies, who seem to be frozen in place. He knows he'd better get out of there pronto.

*It is just grass he is supposed to be standing on, I know. But it is more fun to think of it as a hula skirt.

[From Life, April 6, 1962.]

Holiday bonus: a classic episode of Untalkative Bunny, starring a different kind of Pink Menace - and it's even funnier if you have ever watched children's TV, especially the Teletubbies!

A Sampling of Whitmaniacs

Those Donalds sure like their Whitman Samplers. The guys like giving them to the gals. The gals like to chomp the chocolates. Although after all these years, year after year of nothing but Whitman's Samplers - don't you think the ladies would like something a little different?

The ads says that if you ask any lady what her favorite candy is, the inevitable answer will be: Whitman's. How many ladies did they ask, do you think? They just asked around the Whitman's office, I'll bet. No one dared to say: you know, I really prefer Brach's Mellowcreme Eggs. 

And note to Martha Donald in the last picture: it is polite to share. See how she's keeping the box on the side away from John? And "hand strays now and then" to the box for more and more chocolates. I'll bet John wouldn't mind a crack at one of those coconut creams, you know.

From Life, March 30 1942, bigger version here.

The Beatmint Generation

I'm working on a few candy posts for the weekend - holiday-themed stuff like ads for Brach chocolate eggs. So do come back and check out some kitsch and retro confectionary.

But I thought we'd work up to the candy with some faux-Chiclets, first - these are really special though. They are mod, fab and gear - a Beatles rip-off called Anglo Beatmint, designed to make you want to get up and scream for the Fab Four! The ad is from February 1964, which was when the Beatles were on the Ed Sullivan show and even the criminals in New York stopped stealing stuff to watch.

They made dispensers for this stuff too, look over here on eBay - a bright-yellow vending machine dedicated to Beatmint, the link is here (and that's where the picture is from, too).

The ad pictures are from Vintage Scans. And here's a little musical accompaniment that you can chomp along to:



This is a really interesting clip - it juxtaposes the rehearsal and live performance of "I Want to Hold Your Hand" on the Ed Sullivan Show on February 9, 1964 - you get a great stereo effect, plus you can see how great the Beatles were at live performances. Plus the ambient screaming-girls noise is somewhat minimized, which is a good thing.

The File and the Pile

Oh, Professor Dickson, how did you know? That is exactly what my brain looks like - a pile of stuff, all - well, piled up.

But I was never any good with the card files in the library - way back before computers, that was, children - I found them dismal and confusing. So turning my head into one would not work out for me.

I know just how the man with the Pile in his head feels, though. That is just the expression I have when I am trying to think of something to write.

Speaking of piles, I have several on my desk. But I know exactly what is in every one of them! I have my own organizational system. A Pile  - Not a File, that's what we can call it.

Summoned to give facts and figures - does your mind become a blank?

Why yes, sometimes. But that may be because it makes me a trifle nervous when I am summoned.

I will try to remember to send away for your book, though, Professor. I really will. But I may draw a blank on that one. Gosh, I knew there was something I meant to do!

[Long-winded ad is from Popular Science, February 1926; the little one is from the same magazine, January 1920. And you'll be happy to note that the Dickson School of Memory was located in, where else, Chicago.]