How Miss De Grinch Got Mittens

Life, October 23, 1939

Life was all copacetic
For Lucinda de Grinch
Her coat was divine
And her shoes didn't pinch

Her makeup was thick
As the new-fallen snow
This fine winter princess
With a Maybelline glow.

But the only sweet aspect
Of Lucinda was that
A gigantic Life Saver
Was perched on her hat.

Yes, Lucinda de Grinch
Was a bit of a show-off
And her friends wore fixed smiles
And they wished she would go off.

"No, nothing is wrong,
I am perfect, it seems;
Admire me, of course -
But be like me? In your dreams!"

Then one day a box
Came for "Miss L. De Grinch"
There were mittens inside -
"More gifts! That's a cinch -

 I'm brilliant at getting stuff!"
 She said, as she grabbed;
Then the mittens addressed her:
"Madam, you've been nabbed:

"You think you are perfect,
Not a hair out of place -
Well, listen up, missy:
That's just a disgrace!

"We're all a bit lopsided
Inside and out;
I.e., no one's perfect
Of that there's no doubt.

"So put us on your hands
And you'll find, though we're fluffy,
We're sometimes too small,
And sometimes hot and stuffy -

"We will teach you to roll
With the things that life throws you
Odd sized and imperfect -
That's all the world owes you!"

And then they shut up
Since Lucinda was snoring -
Some inanimate objects
Can get rather boring.

And what happened then?
Her Fluff Mittens, they say,
On those manicured hands
Grew three sizes that day;

And that minute Lucinda stopped
Boasting so much!
She was nicer to folks,
And sometimes she went Dutch.

People said: sweet Lucinda,
She's the antidote for bitter,
But how come she can't see
That her mittens don't fit her?