Zeppo Lite: Hello, Dear. Um. Hello. Gosh. Now don't get mad but.... Is dinner ready?
Dear: What does it look like? Do you see anything set out? Do I have to cook up a big fat NO and put it on a plate for you?
Zeppo Lite: Look, this ought to cheer you up! I brought you a flattened paper bag* from the store with nothing in it. [pause] There was a box of candy in there but - I seem to have eaten it all on the streetcar. Har har!
Dear: Well, good, then you won't mind waiting a little. Because this sauce takes FOREVER to make! Do you have any idea how long I've been cooking this pot of spaghetti? Guess. Guess how long.
Zeppo Lite: Oh, let's see. I like a guessing game. Let me think. Two minutes?
Dear: Try two hours. HOURS. I started boiling this stuff at four o'clock and - well, look! Just look at it. How STUPID of me! I thought it would save us money if I cooked at home but this is ridiculous.
Zeppo Lite: So...I imagine it'll be done soon.
Dear: It's going to take me another hour to finish cooking this horrible sauce. I HATE making tomato sauce! Hate it! All those tomatoes and all the seeds everywhere. And look at all the dirty pots. Next time you're getting Chef Boyardee out of a can, that's for sure.
Zeppo Lite: Too bad I don't have any Chef Boyardee in my paper bag. Har de har har! So just tell me which is the sauce and which...is the spaghetti. No, let me guess! They both look like sauce but... I'll guess the red stuff.
Dear: Congratulations, Einstein.
[This 1936 gem is from LiveJournal.]
* I know, it's really a newspaper. Poetic license! And it does sort of look like an empty paper bag. He would totally do that, you know.