Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Everything I Know I Learned From A 1940s Kotex Ad
I thought you might like some more "Are You In the Know?" fun!
This advertisement is full of useful information. Just like the first one, it is divided into three vignettes which cover all sorts of situations a 1940s gal might find herself in:
Vignette #1: Procuring A Date
OK, well - yes. Your "steady freddy" (pardon me while I gag a little into my lacy handkerchief here) wants you to - and I quote - "procure a date for his pal." That sounds a little dubious. I thought that procuring was against the law, Kotex Ad People!
Suave Sally knows this. She can take care of herself with Dangerous Dan there. But surely this is not Suave Sally in the picture. This is the "numb number" or possibly "a character from the carnival." That's a nice thing for a friend to call a friend - a numb number! Lovely!
Actually I think if it was me I would set the guy up with the character from the carnival - preferably a scary clown in big pants.
Vignette #2: Tipping A Hostile Waiter
Oh, yes - the waiter with the "why don't you do right look," Mr. Spock ears and a crewcut. We all hate getting that "why don't you do right" look. It sounds like a line from a country-and-western song, doesn't it?
This waiter seems to have an agenda of some kind though. Don't drink that last coffee refill!
And the Kotex connection? Special service from the waiter = extra tip...special service from Kotex = ugh, what, am I supposed to do, give the Kotex a tip? Bleh, maybe that's why the lady looks so - uncertain.
Vignette #3: The Hat-Snatcher
Well, what in hell do you do when Marge grabs your new satin-net-and-feather creation and jams it right on her head with never a by-your-leave?
Options above: Lend it, Resent it, Feel flattered.
Actually this is a trick question: the answer is, don't let her do it! Somebody stop that hat-grabber! She has dandruff and grease on her head! What delightful friends the Kotex ladies have - numb, greasy, dandruffy. Well, Sally is suave, at least. That's something.
I have some other answers to the hat-snatching question. These are the PMS-fueled options:
1. Snatch it back.
2. Tell her never to darken your door, or your hats, again. Then start screaming uncontrollably.
3. Have at her with your best hatpin.
It is a "whammy chapeau" after all (did people really talk like this in the 1940s?). A whammy chapeau! Does this mean it is made out of Wham? In which case, you know what, Marge can help herself.